Based on my year-end LinkedIn post, here are 10 conflict management tips for a peaceful holiday season.
1. Change perspective.
The other is your partner, not your opponent. The opponent is the conflict.
Solve it together.
2. Ask problem solving questions
Gain more information. Understand better. Show that you care.
✔️ What is important for you in…?
✔️ How do you think we could solve this problem?
Focus on how and what.
3. Don’t ask why
Focusing on why can easily lead to blame and accusations.
❌ Why did you / why do you always…?
Don’t ask why. Again, focus on how and what.
4. Emotion management – 3 Rs
Recognize your own, and your partner’s emotions
Respect. Your emotions create your reality, your partner’s emotions create theirs. Respect this.
Respond to your own, and your partner’s emotions. Find the right approach.
Recognize. Respect. Respond.
5. “I” language
Talk about your viewpoint/feelings, instead of attacking the other person.
Instead of „you”, start with „I”
❌ You are wrong.
✔️ I see this differently.
Start with „I”.
6. Not everything that starts with “I” is “I” language
❌ I feel you are rejecting me.
✔️ I feel rejected.
❌ I think you are a(n) @$#%^&*.
✔️ I feel hurt.
7. Active listening
Actively listen to your partner. Keep eye contact. Nod. Pay attention to their body language.
Use silence. Let them talk. Make sure you understand. Paraphrase. Summarize.
Listen. Truly.
8. Look for yes
Look for common points and share with partner. Mention the things you agree upon.
The more common points, the better the chance for conflict resolution. Yeses increase commitment.
Collect the yeses.
9. Ask for advice
Ask your partner what they would do in your position.
Many people feel flattered when they are asked for advice.
Ask for advice.
10. Don’t argue over values
Values are deeply rooted and don’t change easily. It’s not impossible to navigate these conflicts, but it isn’t easy. Value conflicts are, for example, religion, moral standards, and political beliefs.
Usually, it’s not the best idea to argue over these topics over a festive family feast.
Don’t argue over values.
+1. Don’t fear conflict
Conflict can…
✔️ Provide personal growth
✔️ Dissolve tension
✔️ Set boundaries
✔️ Enhance self-awareness
✔️ Enhance self-confidence
✔️ Help us stay healthy
✔️ Make our lives interesting
Embrace these opportunities, build on the conflict management tips and, and have a peaceful holiday season!
And if you decide to develop your communication skills, contact me.
